Wednesday's Wit - Human Nature

Human nature

Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be – John Stuart Mill

There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy – Robert Louis Stevenson

It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances – Oscar Wilde

Economy is going without something you do want in case you should, some day, want something you probably won’t want – Anthony Hope

Two men look out through the same bars: One sees the mud, the other sees the stars. – Fredrick Langbridge

Happiness is a mystery like religion, and should never be rationalized. – G.K.Chesterton

When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet deep down in his heart no man much respects himself – Mark Twain

Many things – such as loving, going to sleep or behaving unaffectedly - are done worst when we try hardest to do them – C.S. Lewis

Wednesday's Wit - Growing Old

Growing Old

At a church social, a little boy came up and asked me how old I was, I said, “I’m 76.” “And you’re still alive?” he said. – Jack Wilson

I’m so old I daren’t buy green bananas – Bruce Forsyth

I’m at an age when I drop a fiver in the collection plate, it’s not a donation, it’s an investment – Ralph Layton

How do you know when you are old? When you double your current age and realize you’re not going to live that long – Micheal Leyden.

I’m 59 and people call me middle aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know? – Barry Cryer

Old age is like underwear. It creeps up on you – Lois L. Kaufman

A person is always startled when he hears himself called an old man for the first time – Oliver Wendell Holmes.

Wednesday Wit - Exercise

Exercise

I exercise every morning without fail. Up, down! Up, down! And then the other eyelid. – Phyllis Diller.

I swim a lot. It’s either that or buy a new golf ball – Bob Hope.

I keep fit. Every morning, I do 100 laps of an Olympic – sized swimming pool – in a small motor launch. – Peter Cook.

The doctor asked me if I ever got breathless after exercise. I said, no, never, because I never exercise. – John Mortimer.

Whenever I got the urge to exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes away – Robert M. Hutchins.

At past 50, I solemnly and painfully learned to ride the bicycle – Henry Adams

Now I’m over 50 my doctor says I should go out and get more fresh air and exercise. I said, “All right. I’ll drive the car with the window open.” – Angus Walker.