Note to Self - Be careful of ties

At the best of times

I don’t like wearing ties

But it is part of my dress code at work

Which keeps me looking smart

I hope

But saying that

It does come with its own difficulties

Mostly associated with

Dangling

Or to be more precise

Dangling freely

The only problem is that I sometimes forget the dangers of a dangling tie

And the other day

Whilst tackling the paper shredder

The contraption decided to take a liking to my tie

And tried to eat it

For lunch

It must have been hungry!

A couple of yanks,

Pulls,

Sweats, later

And eventually my attire was free of the hungry machine

After trying to salvage the tie

I eventually gave up and deposited it into the bin

So note to self

Be careful of the paper shredder when wearing a tie!

Note to Self - My Belt

This wasn’t one of the greatest moments of my life

In fact in terms of humiliation

It is right at the top of the list.

One Friday evening I decided to rush out of the house and get a fish and chip take-away for the family

Taking my teenage boy Connor with me

I made a bad choice

A very, very bad choice

I chose a belt for my trousers that was not up for the task

It was all going so well

All going to plan

Until

As I left the chip shop carrying the dinner

With my hands full

My belt slipped

And my trousers

Fell down

In the middle of the street

Around my knees

Half-mast

Right in front of a group of teenage girls who were waiting on the street corner

Panic

Sheer panic

Overcame me

I threw down the dinner

In the street and

Fumbling

I quickly attempted to pull up my trousers

As the group of girls burst out laughing and pointing in my direction

This was followed by my son joining the chorus of laughter.

My son has never let me forget the fateful evening

And I was lucky not to be arrested.